Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
