btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I could make wine with my vomit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
