Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
