even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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