i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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