I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
