he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize