garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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