He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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