Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
