If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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