i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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