For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
