I smell stomach acid.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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