ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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