wrigley field is MILF paradise
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
