In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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