doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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