My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
