so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
