i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
