i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
