next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
