it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
