i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
