My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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