I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
