We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
