Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
birth control should be required to get into college
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
