I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
