actually, I'm a sock model
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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