i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i drank out of a bidet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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