Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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