"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
