she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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