Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
