Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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