I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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