I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
