when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
