Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
