And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
