I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
