D3 body, D1 cock
I wish I only lived at night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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