so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
there's paper in my vomit.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
