Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
