I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
