I like my sex mixed with concussions.
two words: eviction party
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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