I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
