I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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