Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you inspire me to be a worse person
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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