Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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