I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was born a porn star she said
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
