I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
