Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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