In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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