is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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