Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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