Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
