I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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