She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As shirtless as possible
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
