I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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