it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize