I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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