I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
