That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
