So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
