We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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