i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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