This girl is more easily done than said...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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