thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
