We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize