shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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