accomplished twins. life is a go
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
