so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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