You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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