my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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