I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I died a long time ago.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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