So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize