She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
