Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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