I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
