she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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