if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
