Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
