Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
