i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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