I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
