just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize