Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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