the condom got lost in my hair
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
