Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
