Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
