I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
