im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
