i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
