I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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