And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize