uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
