Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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