Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
