Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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