I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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