It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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